(warning: the video contains some profanity)
My brother Kelvin’s recent harrowing flight and his resultant gratitude when it was over which he detailed in his column last Thursday, sparked a memory of one of my favorite scenes in a movie. The flick is “Almost Famous” by director Cameron Crowe (“Fast Times at Ridgemont High”. “Jerry Maguire”).
It is a semi-autobiographical tale about a 15-year old who is writing a story for Rolling Stone magazine about an up-and-coming rock band. The budding rock journalist witnesses all the band’s backstage issues including drugs, groupies, and personality conflicts. The relevant scene is when they are flying in a small plane to a gig, hit major turbulence and it appears the plane is about to crash.
Getting a little scared, one of the band members makes a blanket “if anything should happen I love all of you guys” statement, but when it actually appears they are in mortal danger, they get more real.
The band manager admits that he once hit a man with his car and kept going and was sorry. Then the floodgates open and revelations about intra-band infidelities, declarations of love from one band member to another’s girlfriend and resentment over the self-centeredness of the lead singer fly around the cabin along with anything not nailed down.
Finally the drummer yells out that he is gay and suddenly the plane straightens out and the band realizes that not only will they live, but they now have to live with the truths that hang in the air.
What I like about the scene is that it shows how so many of us hold on to our true feelings and secrets until we think death is imminent. The thing is, death is always imminent. As far as I know, no one knows the exact hour when they will draw their last breath.
This column isn’t about death however; it’s about telling people what we think while we still can. Unlike the movie, I’m not suggesting that it necessarily be negative things either.
My parents’ generation didn’t open up and talk about feelings and motivations. It just wasn’t done. Consequently many of their children sought affirmation, approval and love and needed it to be verbalized and not just shown through actions.
It’s kind of like “Fiddler on the Roof” when Tevye asks his wife Golde if she loves him and she replies that she has cooked and cleaned and raised a family with him for 25 years.
I had a complicated relationship with my father growing up. We were just so different. I think what helped open up or relationship was me growing up and not seeing him as just an extension of my environment, but an actual human being with needs, desires and cares like anyone else.
I’m very thankful that before both of my parents passed away any resentment that I had allowed to fester when I was younger was cleared away.
Compared to my parents’ generation which played their cards close to the vest, the current one just shows their hand all the time.
It seems nowadays we’ve swung too far the other way with people sharing way too much stuff about themselves on TV talk shows and social media internet sites. I don’t think everybody needs to know all of your business.
However I think it’s definitely beneficial to have someone, even if it’s just one person, you can be open and honest with.
I think like a lot of people and men especially, when I was younger I both craved and feared true intimacy. I now know that that’s what life is about—connecting with people on a deep level.
While it would be really great if you could just read other people‘s thought balloons, as far as I know there is no shortcut to true intimacy. And from my experience, it’s so much better to try to achieve it before you think you only have seconds to live.
Reach Fairfield freelance writer Tony Wade at kelvinsbrother@sbcglobal.net