The Big C

Some Goods News on the Cancer Front

Well, I got a bit of good news Thursday. My tumor markers are normal.
What does mean? Well, I'm not sure of all the science of it but basically it means my blood isn't carrying enough of any little tumor chemicals to indicate I have any tumors inside my body.
And that's a good thing.
But I also found out a couple of other good things recently. And that's that I have good doctors.
I've mentioned my choice to pursue some alternatives in cancer treatments. The oncology nurse took the time to look up black salve and e-mailed me her concerns. She had a link to a rather alarming picture and just wanted to be sure I knew what I was doing.
I told her I'd researched things well, had first-hand accounts of how to use it, etc. She was encouraging and reminded me that they would be happy to monitor me and my progress. Note she said progress and not my descent into death.
Then this morning my general practitioner called me. He called me. He asked what the plan was. I told him what my thoughts were and he was everything you could hope.
First, he told me that, for the most part, waiting a while to try something different wouldn't hurt and chemo was always an option.
Then he told me the story of his nephew's wart. Seems when his nephew was small he had some warts. My doc's father did an elaborate treatment for the warts, cutting potatoes in half and applying them to the area, rubbing and turning them. Then he went to the yard and buried the pototoes in the four corners of the yard. He came back and told the boy that he should go to sleep and the four corners of the potatoes would call the warts home. They would be gone the next day.
Well, my doc said, he thought his father had blown it. Treating with potato is one thing. But telling the boy the warts would be gone the next morning? He thought the boy would be crushed.
But the next day, the boy woke up and the warts were gone.
"Now I've been to medical school and my brother's been to graduate school and my sister is a lawyer and we all saw this. The warts were gone."
The mind is a wondrous thing, he said. Medicine is not only limited to what doctors learn in schools. There are many ways to treat things, he said. You never know what might work.
Do you know how comforting it is to know that these people, while maybe a little iffy, support my choices? So many people come up against hindbound opinions. I know some who have been jettisoned by their docs because they wanted to try some different things. How terrible.
The body is a wondrous thing, too, and can achieve miracles. I'm lucky to have people around me who recognize that.

Chemistry Adventure in my Bathroom

One of the alternative cancer treatments I've chosen is black salve, a paste created from the bloodroot which basically eats cancer.
Black salve isn't without its controversies. Someone used it on her face and it ate away her skin - and you can find the pictures and the lawsuit to prove it on the internet. Although, I will say, I'm a bit skeptical of it all.
But I also know several people who have used black salve with great success. The key is to not be stupid. And, generally, at least when it comes to things other than men and spending money, I'm not stupid.
It all starts with a little container of this black paste. The other equipment I use for my chemistry experiments are a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, a jar of Vaseline, a box of Q-tips and a bunch of Band-Aids.
So first you pick a spot where cancer is likely. You dab on a bit of the black salve, preferably enough to cover the spot but not more than the size of a pencil head or dime, somewhere in there.
You put the Vaseline on the pad of the Band-Aid and then put it over the salve on the spot.
You wait 12 hours.
In that time you might feel some stinging, maybe some discomfort. Depending on the size, it might really hurt. I've been fortunate, though, in that it's not really hurt me at all so far. (Knock on virtual wood.)
After 12 hours you peel off the bandage. You clean the spot with a Q-tip dipped in hydrogen peroxide. You look at the spot. If there is cancer it likely will look red and white, the white area looking like a blister or burn area. You might reapply the black salve if it doesn't seem to have penetrated enough and follow the process again.
If not, you put the Vaseline on another Band-Aid and reapply. You clean it every 12 hours or so, applying the hydrogen peroxide each time.
As the days pass, it gets pus-y and disgusting, but this is the cancer working its way out. Eventually, a scab forms, then comes off, leaving a cavity. This area eventually heals in a few weeks, like any other sore.
I've read countless experiences of this working well and know people who have used it with great success. And, for me, so far so good.
Unfortunately for me, I have a wide area of what may be cancer. My doc originally told me not to worry about this "rash" so I didn't. Well, I did but I didn't do anything about it. For months. So now I'm racing against the cancer, trying to get rid of it as fast as I can.
I have seven spots going right now and pretty much add one every day. Every morning and night I go in to the bathroom, pull out my equipment and apply all the stuff. And, so far, I haven't had any pain beyond infrequent stinging and it all seems to be working.
It does have it's gross moments but I'll be happy to be gross for the next few months if it means the cancer is gone.
We'll see how it all goes. And I'll let you know.

Beating Cancer the Budwig Way

So I've been doing the Budwig Protocol for about three weeks now and I can say I feel well and the rash on my chest seems to be getting better - or at least maintaining.
So what is the Budwig Protocol? I'm not expert by any means but this is what I've learned so far:
Johanna Budwig developed the protocol in the 1950s and 1960s. She was a German scientist who worked with biochemistry and was nominated for a Nobel prize seven times. She wrote at least seven books on the subject that I know of. Two have been translated into English. One is the Oil Protein Diet Cookbook. The second is "Flax Oil as a true aid against arthritis, heart infarction, cancer and other diseases."
Her diet is basically vegetarian and organic. A cornerstone, though, is something called meusli, which is a mix of cottage cheese and flax seed oil. The cheese and oil bond to create a more soluable substance which can move into your cells more easily.
It's not only a diet, though. Sunlight, relaxation, massage and the like also play a part. There's a lot of juicing and a lot of eating, as well.
Budwig had a clinic in Germany where she had a 90 percent success rate, according to her documented cases, which have been verified. She ran the clinic for more than 50 years until she died just a few years ago, in her 90s.
When you have cancer you tend to search out all sorts of alternatives. Some of hooie. Some make sense. This one makes sense to me. It makes sense to a lot of other people too and has never appeared on any debunking site, either.
And it has successes. Just this morning a man posted an update on his situation. In July 2006 he was told he had liver cancer and had 3-6 months to live. He started the diet in January 2007. Now, one year later, all but one of his tumors is gone, his markers are going down, and, more importantly, he feels great.
I guess, more important to me, too, is the logic of it sways me. And that earns my faith.
It's not the only thing I'm doing but more on that later including my adventures with black salve, which is eating away at the cancer on my chest even as we speak - or as I write.

Another cancer diagnosis

Well, I guess I need to change the title of this from Life after Cancer to Life with Cancer.
Yup, my rash is cancer mets. At least I know now. Not knowing was miserable.
So it's another battle now, one that will be a little tougher but one I can win again. But I may fight a little differently this time.
I've been doing the Budwig diet for more than two weeks now. In that two weeks I've lost about 10 pounds - I call it the devastating news diet - and my rash has improved.
That's the funny thing. My doctor, when he saw the rash a second time, said it was improving and more than likely was not cancer because cancer didn't act like that.
Unfortunately, the biopsies said otherwise.
Still, my oncologist also agreed that it appears to have healed some.
What could be the explanation for that, other than I'm just weird? It could be the ointment my GP gave me for what he thought was a yeast infection. But I also think it was the diet.
So I've decided to take you along on my adventures with the Budwig Protocol. Together we will learn about organic eating, vegetarian cooking, the adventures of juicing, and all that. We will have faith in my body and my spirit to heal, and rely on the encouragement, prayers and support of others to help us along.
There will be more to come as I learn and, hopefully, thrive.
This cancer hasn't won yet, and it won't this time either.
Hah!!

A Glimmmer of Light in a Dark Week

So I had my biopsy Wednesday. The doc sliced of two bits of flesh, two worrisome areas the oncologist had pointed to before.
I told him he could cut everything off if he liked but he didn't.
He did, however, tell me not to jump to conclusions about what this rash may be. And he set up a referral to a dermatologist.
It could be a fungus, he said. One part looked kind of "yeasty." He gave me some ointment for that, just to see. But he also said if the oncologist is confused, well, let's get to a dermatologist who won't be confused.
Here's hoping for a bionic fungus!!
I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I went in there prepared, accepting that I might have cancer mets. And I still might. I might have a fungus, yeast infection and mets all mixed into one.
But my GP agreed with my oncologist that whatever it is, it isn't behaving like cancer mets. Except part of it. It just doesn't make sense.
Please, God, let it be a bionic fungus so confusing to medical professionals that I become a special on the Discovery channel. Just not cancer again.
And, of course, after all my sermons about diet and health, my first inclination, after getting my stomach to calm down so I wouldn't throw up after my appointment, was to go get a cheeseburger.
But I didn't. I went home and had my organic black bean soup with two pieces of flax seed bread spread with almond butter. It was quite tasty.
I dreamed of getting the phone call - it's not cancer - and bursting into tears. I dreamed of leaping up and shouting, running around, it's not cancer, it's not cancer.
Please, God, let my dreams come true.

Today is the Day for Lifechanging Events

Yeah, the results of the biopsy today will change my life. They may make it shorter. They may not. They may change what I do to respond to cancer.
But I know, regardless of the results, they won't change who I am.
I keep thinking how will my life change from today compared with last month or next month. And, really, most of the change has occurred already.
I've radically changed my diet. For years I've followed a yahoo group on the Budwig protocol and gleaned some of its lessons. I tried bits of it now and then but nothing full out.
Now I'm full out. Key to it is a mix of flax seed oil and cottage cheese for a host of complex scientific reasons. It's vegetarian and organic. But it isn't just diet. It's also relieving stress in your life and getting as much sunshine as possible.
And even if this biopsy shows I have a bionic fungus, I need to follow this diet for the rest of my life. And right now I'm fine with that.
Last night was a test, though. I brought home some fried chicken for my brother, one of my favorites. The smell of it near did me in. But I piously left it alone and had my cottage cheese and flax seed oil smoothie with fresh pineapple, blueberries, carrot juic and apple juice.
The benefits of this protocal are, first, it strengthens the body to fight disease. And for me that disease is cancer. But it addresses other ills as well - asthma, arthritis, heart issues. And I've been doing this a week and already my hair is thicker.
We'll see what happens today. But regardless my life has changed. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

And the Waiting Continues

Obviously the thought of possibly having metastatic breast cancer has occupied my mind this week. I think it's a good possibility, given the research I've done. I hope not but I'm preparing for it.
I've started to explore more alternatives, too. A host of conventional options exist including radiation, more chemotherapy, and hormone medications. It will all depend on what exactly this is.
But there are also less mainstream things.
Now don't worry, I'm not flying to South America to get a bath in shark's ear oil or whatever.
But there are a few things I hope to do.
One is called the Budwig Diet, a lifestyle developed by a German scientist years ago with widespread documentation and anecdotal stories of success with cancer, all sorts of cancer, as well as other ailments.
The premise is that the body can heal itself if we stop abusing it with processed foods, meats, stress, etc. It's basically a vegetarian diet with a key aspect of eating flax seed oil and cottage cheese. Budwig, who was nominated for a Nobel prize six times, claimed a 90 percent or more success rate, even with the gravely ill. She died a few years ago, at 92, from a broken leg, so I've heard.
The theory makes sense to me. It's something that interests me. And while diets have never been my strong suit, it is something to try.
Another option is called black salve, a natural substance created by the blood root. This is a little more controversial. You use a small, small amount placing it on an area of suspect cancer. If there is cancer it eats it away. If there isn't it doesn't. I know many people who have used this with success. I know the risks of it - too big an area all at once can cause a lot of pain. But I'll willing to try it out.
It's not that I'm against the conventional options out there. But this may be my third time on this pony. Obviously, this cancer is a tough sucker and I need to investigate more options.
I hope it's a bionic fungus or something, you know, the kind of thing written up in medical texts.
But if it's not, if this rash is cancer, I'm prepared to kick it's but once again.

Another New Adventure

So I went to my oncologist Monday for a regular check-up, hoping like always to walk out of there with good news.
Alas, it was not to be.
I may have skin mets. That rash I've mentioned a few times, the one the docs told me not to worry about and may be dermatitis, may also be cancer.
It wouldn't be skin cancer. It would be metastatic breast cancer to the skin. One doesn't look like the other, which is what failed me in my internet research into rashes.
He doesn't know yet. The doctor is confused and perplexed because it doesn't act like other skin mets. It has parts that look like it and parts that don't. I hasn't spread like mets would, it's spread like a rash would.
And yet it hasn't responded to treatments for dermatitis, at least not much. It seems to get better then worse then better then worse.
So I'm getting a biopsy next week. Meantime, I'm slathering another ointment on it hoping things will change and I've ordered some other topical stuff used to fight cancer that is more in the alternative realm.
Thankfully, my blood work came back fine and from my exam my liver is fine, my kidney is great, my bones are good, my head is still on straight (as it ever was) and my lungs are clear so it doesn't appear to be anywhere else. That means it would be a localized recurrance, which in recurrance land is a good thing.
It is treatable and I'm pretty confident I can do something about it.
But gosh I don't want to go down this road again. I've been there, done that, and want to do something else. Really. Break my leg, give me constipation, whatever, not cancer again.
So put me in your prayers, please. Let's hope it's exzema or baby rash or psoriasis or anything but mets. If it is, I'll deal with it. If not, I'll be blessed by your good wishes.
Here's hoping for exzema.

FLOATING FORMS OF COTTON RAVAGING RALEY'S

I'm wearing my fake fake boobs now as opposed to my real fake boobs because, it turns out, I may be allergic to my boobs.
Now, really, whoever says that?
Soon after my boobectomy surgery, I bought some bras and fake boobs over the Internet. One-size fits all (never a good thing), what arrived was a cotton tank top with pouches sewn in, rather nice and servicable, and two big blobs of cotton.
Want to go for a dramatic looks? Keep all the cotton. Want something more demure? Tear it in half. Want to play with people? Keep changing back and forth. Or have one bigger than the other.
I remember wearing them when I returned to work. They were light and fluffy and I didn't really know they were there. A couple of friends would ask for a feel and they were really just pillows on my chest.
Soon after, though, I found out I could get real fake boobs (read silicone forms) through my insurance, for free. I ordered some up and put them on and they felt, to me, almost real, with a weight and shape reminiscent of the originals.
The rest is boobectomy history.
That is, until this rash appeared a couple of months ago. After going back and forth, my doc and I are now trying some ointment and not wearing my silicone boobs. And I'm back to pillow time.
Like I said, they're fine as far as they go. Unfortunately, they go all over the place. If you notice a woman in the grocery store manhandling her boobs, that's probably me pushing them back into position. Sitting with the seatbelt across my chest pushes them this way and that. So does sitting at my desk and then getting up. A vigorous walk can have some consequences.
And I can't feel them so unless I look I don't know that they've gone askew. And while checking out my own boobs often probably isn't as odd as checking out another woman's boobs all the time, it's still not something I do on a regular basis.
But I want to get rid of this rash so I'll continue to float along, adjusting as need be, hoping I can soon return to my real fake boobs.
Really, now, does anyone want to see a woman grabbing her boobs in the supermarket?
Hmmmm.
Well, umm, this isn't that type of blog.

One boob, two boobs, three boobs, four...

I got an e-mail from someone a couple of weeks ago saying he didn't want to read about boobs first thing. Well, gosh, did you read the description of this blog?
I've been away at a conference and they worked us like dogs - or one-armed paper hangers? I didn't get much of a chance to post.
But my big news was finding out that insurance covers my bras.
Yes, I'm also talking about bras as well as boobs, all at the same time.
So I still have this rash and my doc thinks it may be old bras that have irritated my skin and caused dermititus on my chest. So I went to the store in Sacramento where I bought my last mastectomy bras to buy a couple of new ones.
I went in prepared to fork over some dough. I figured they might cost a bit.
But wonder of wonders, the clerk told me that I didn't have to pay, most likely, that if my insurance covered them the first time (it did) it likely would this time. I could replace my two bras every year.
I also learned I could replace my fake boobs every two years. Yes, I could get new boobs.
My mind boggled. First time out I got a sensible pair, slightly smaller than the originals, just normal looking boobs.
But next time, well, next time I could go the Dolly Parton route for those fun evenings on the town (at a military base). I could get some sports boobs for the gal on the go who doesn't want to bounce while whooshing down the ski slopes or going up for that spike on the beach volleyball court.
Not that I do any of these things. But, well, I could with my new boobs. Couldn't I?
I wonder if they have celebrity models. You know, like you asked for the Jennifer Anistan hair style a few years ago. Can we ask for Pam Anderson boobs (well, gosh, just ask for her silicon size) or maybe Angelina Jolie boobs. Hillary Clinton boobs? Yikes, erase that thought from your head.
I've written before about how I hid my traveling money in my fake boobs when I went to Vietnam a couple of years ago. Could they put a GPS in a boob in case you lose one? A radio? Maybe the lock for your car - press one boob and it opens, press the other and it locks?
The possibilities are endless.