Muslim Girl

Spicing up a Humdrum Marriage

A bizarre sexual revolution is gaining momentum in Asia: spouse-swapping. Hordes are swarming the Web for couples of a like mind using the new buzzword. Pakistan, India, the Middle East and China all seem to be shadowing the hub of this queer phenomenon, Italy. According to La Stampa, one of the most influential Italian daily newspapers, about 500,000 Italian couples are swapping partners. The La Stampa article published in 2008 states that this ‘hobby’ is increasing “at a rate that makes you dizzy,” largely because of the Internet. One in four Italian couples reportedly engage in spouse exchange according to the International Federation for the Protection of Rights and Freedoms but experts estimate the real number being closer to two million.

According to an anonymous source, there are organized parties in the city of Lahore, Pakistan, where the swapping takes place discreetly in car parks, or at exclusive beach parties, usually among the elite class. A host of Web sites, some requiring registration like Adult Dating are catering to their needs, including Facebook; the creators of a group called Pakistani Swingers N Wife Swap (Swinging Parties for Couples in Pakistan) write in the description:

“This Group for Pakistani couples and bi females who want to share wife swap fun with other couples in Pakistan and abroad. We are planning to host swinging parties in Isb (Islamabad) and Lahore, Pakistan. Genuine couples can contact us for more details. Look forward to hear from you all. Regards. Nafisa and Zia”

Not surprisingly, there are countless, if not more, sites catering to Indian couples wishing to be a part of the new sex trend. Their primary form of communication is the Internet. It has been reported by the media that wife-swapping is becoming more popular in metropolitan cities; there have been some newspaper articles and videos released that shed light on Indian swapping.

Last month in China, 22 members, including eight women and fourteen men, of a wife-swapping club were arrested for criminal licentiousness. The mastermind behind the faction was a 53-year-old associate university professor living in Nanjing, Ma Xiaohai, who is currently under police supervision. Says Xiaohai, it all started with harmless chat room discussions regarding peoples’ marital problems until the hottest topic became spouse-swapping, 190 members part of the forum. The discussion led to the members actualizing their sexual fantasies inside his apartment.

“Every couple has this or that kind of issue – a marriage is like a bowl of water that has to be drunk, swapping partners is like a bowl of sweet wine.” said Xiahoai in an interview published in The Times. According to an official police report, the members facing the allegations were a part of 35 sexual encounters, using Xiahoai’s apartment on 14 counts. Regarding the issue, a family planning official, Zhang Feng, said to the China Daily, “wife-swapping should not be promoted to the public as it will lead to the spread of HIV and Aids and other sexually transmitted diseases. Neither the sex forum nor the expo should provide a platform for advertising bold and unacceptable views to the public." In contrast, sociologist Li Yinhe, says couples should have the right to engage in spouse-swapping and that it is a “normal kind of entertainment.”

Says Edward Dengrove, M.D, a medical author and practicing psychiatrist in New Jersey, gives us some perspective on the issue. In his article published in Sexology, he writes:

“How common is the exchanging and loaning of wives among us? And why? For one thing, it is more common than most people seem to think. Nor is it limited to men who seek a change of bedfellows. There are women, too, who desire such ‘swaps’ and who take the initiative in arranging them. The temporary exchange of mates is sometimes merely a device to provide variety in the sexual life. These are the wives who doubt their own attractiveness as women, and their husbands’ worth as men. If other women find her mate attractive, such a wife feels reassured that she has made a wise marriage choice, and she also feels that she must be pretty ‘special,’ too, to have first claim on so desirable a man … Often, the desire for another person’s mate, and the willingness to trade one’s own, arises from far more complicated motives than the simple longing to add some ‘spice’ to a marital routine grown dull. There are many men and women who are unsure of their own worth as human beings, and who need constant reassurance and approval from others. Such people frequently lend themselves to this kind of arrangement."

Read real conversations crossing borders expressing their desire to indulge in swapping partners on Facebook.com and Topix

The No-Fly List

The No Fly List controversy takes off once again with a lawsuit filed by Rahinah Ibrahim who was arrested upon her arrival in San Francisco at a United Airlines ticket counter five years ago. It turned out to be a case of false positive but Ms. Ibrahim who was a Stanford doctoral student, decided to sue. While she has agreed on a settlement with the city police and U.S. Investigations Services, her claims against the federal government persist.  

Ms. Ibrahim’s case has rekindled residual concerns embracing due process and government secrecy following the Sep 11 attacks that have spawned a brush between the government’s modus operandi and civil liberties. Americans across the nation are blasting authorities with their opinions on their counterterrorism tools. Allison Kilkenny, a contributing reporter to Huffington Post, Alternet.org, and The Nation, in her recent article titled Error-Laden ‘No Fly’ List Continues to Grow, writes:

“If people can’t be told they’re on a watch list, they can’t challenge their automatic ‘guilty’ verdicts. That’s how children and hysterectomy survivors end up on the watch lists. That’s why people, who are guilty of nothing except sharing a name picked up in some chatter from who knows where, are handcuffed -- some might say terrorized -- searched, and jailed. If they’re really lucky, they get out of jail without being tortured, wait a year, and then get a letter from the government saying, ‘Our bad.’”

While victims of the terrorist screening process who have been wrongfully detained and political activists argue otherwise, the government maintains that it is crucial to the nation’s security. In 2006, 60 Minutes was able to take a look at the list through an aviation security employee. Joe Trento of the National Security News Service, along with 60 Minutes studied the names on the No Fly List for months. At the time Trento said, “It’s awful, it's bad. I mean you’ve got people who are dead on the list … It makes no sense.”  However, the overseer of the project, Donna Bucella responded, “Well, just because a person has died doesn't necessarily mean that their identity has died. People sometimes carry the identities of people who have died.” 

Ms. Ibrahim’s case also challenges the logic behind an arrest based solely on an individual’s name appearing on the list which the government claims is a critical mechanism of the anti-terrorism strategy that has been employed since 9/11. However, the government parties involved are bound by secrecy and it remains unclear on what grounds she was arrested. Officials refuse to comment or release information pertaining to details of the case, along with hundreds of others who have been victims of the terrorist screening process in the past. "The problem is that this list has no public accountability: People don't know why their names are put on or how to get their names off," said Jayashri Srikantiah who is an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union of Northern California in an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle.

The aftermath of 9/11 included Americans demanding increased security and protection from the government and while the complaints against beefing up security has become louder, civilians have willingly paid for the cost of protection with freedom and privacy. In response, the government federalized airport security and continues to do so.  A senior writer at Slate Magazine, Timothy Noah, Senior Writer at Slate Magazine, in his article "No-Fly Like Me" writes:

"Let's suppose--just suppose--that the No-Fly List has caused only one terrorist not to board an airplane with a sharp tool or explosive shoes. Wouldn't that still be worth these mild inconveniences? Of course it would. I don't mind being the haystack because Sept. 11 taught me that there are needles out there. By all means, let's find better ways to search for them. But let's not make the perfect the enemy of the mediocre."

On the other hand, the screening process elicits considerable criticism from Americans and foreigners. The President of the British Columbia Civil Liberties Association, in 2005, said:

"No-fly lists seriously impair the rights of ordinary citizens. The U.S. experience has shown that persons are pre-selected for flight refusal or enhanced scrutiny on the basis of secret and undiscernable criteria. Listed persons are unable to effectively challenge their inclusion on the list. Regardless of how the criteria for listing persons is chosen, the system will of necessity be over-inclusive. People will be denied access to basic transportation and subject to enhanced scrutiny on what appears from the outside to be an arbitrary basis. The system itself is a model for abuse and discrimination … To date, not a single terrorist has been apprehended by the no-fly system. There is no evidence that no-fly lists improve aviation safety. The expected benefit of any such list is marginal and speculative."

 

Today, after the attempted Christmas Day bombing by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the rules and regulations pertaining to aviation security are being fine tuned to avoid another mishap on the part of intelligence, according to the Obama administration; although Abdulmutallab’s father had reported his son to intelligence officials, his name was not on the list. Since then, the list has ballooned, to about 6,000 names according to an AP report. While this means safer travel, it increases the chances of mistaken identity. The revised process that remains anything but foolproof will make it easier to identity terrorist suspects, say authorities.

Unfortunately it’s a no-win situation. Adopting intensive measures means inconveniencing innocent travelers, while lax procedures may allow a terrorist to sneak on a plane. It’s an inescapable trade-off.

 

What Drives Chechen Terrorism

“You Russians hear about the war on television and the radio. I promise you the war will come to your streets, and you will feel it in your own lives and on your own skin.”

Doku Umarov’s message to Russia through a video released shortly after the subway blasts in Moscow that killed 39 commuters during rush hour earlier this week, is fomenting fear of an extensive bombing campaign launched by insurgents in Russia’s heartland. The metro bombings were followed by two new attacks in Dagestan, the tumultuous province of Chechnya, that left 12 dead a day later.  

Chechen rebel leader Umarov, 45, has taken responsibility for the subway bombings as a response to Prime Minister Vladimir Putin’s policies related to Muslim republics of the northern Caucasus. The bombings adduce a colonial war Chechens are waging against Russia.  Umarov, in his video, castigated Moscow’s antiterrorist operations and said the attacks avenged the recent operation that took the lives of several civilians close to Chechnya and Ingushetia’s border:

“On the 11th of February, 2010, officers of the criminal formation known as the F.S.B. carried out an operation to destroy peaceful citizens. Any person who will condemn me for those operations, or who will accuse me of terrorism, I am laughing at those people. I can only grin, because I haven’t heard that Putin was accused of terrorism for the murder of civilians who were killed at his order.”

The turmoil elicited a surprise visit from President Dmitri A. Medvedev to Dagestan who met with authorities including regional leaders and security advisers to devise strategies in bottling the insurgency and addressing the ‘root causes’ such as poverty and government delinquencies that may instigate extremism. He also urged the public not to discriminate against the people from the Caucasus region:

“This is a very sensitive topic,” he said. “Everyone must understand — and not just understand but use the appropriate terminology — that people who live here in the Caucasus are the citizens of our nation, not ‘immigrants’ from the North Caucasus. A huge number, the vast majority of people who live here are normal, honest and decent, but there are some criminals as well.”

The suicide bombings were condemned by Muslim scholars across the globe, including five muftis from Russia as “criminal terrorist attacks.” The Libya-based World Islamic Call Society also lashed against the “recent vicious terrorist attacks perpetrated against innocent fellow human beings.”

Melik Kaylan, a weekly columnist for the Forbes, ascribes this form of terrorism to the long, brutal history of Chechnya. The Chechens have been victims of repeated genocide. Half a million Muslims of the Caucasus were killed or dislodged during the 19th century as a result of the Czarist conquest, waged as a Christian crusade. In 1859, Alexandre Dumas, in his memoir, wrote about his trip to the Caucasus, describing how he was invited to hunt locals as a ‘common pastime’ by Russian elites. In 1944, the Chechen population was deported by Joseph Stalin to Central Asia because he suspected them of being supporters of Hitler. And the ones that made it without dying of starvation on the way were ‘dumped’ with no means to survive. Despite the injustice, a number of Chechen soldiers fought with Russian soldiers against Hitler. In his article, Civilizing the Barbarians, Kaylan writes:

“I've been to Chechnya and environs, and I can tell you that the story is different: Something unimaginably horrifying happened there in recent years, and before, comparable to the worst excesses of the Congo, possibly even more depraved … Let me begin with contemporary horrors. In the time I spent with Chechens in the Caucasus and elsewhere I heard stories and saw evidence of widespread incidents so utterly unspeakable as to rob you of sleep for a lifetime. Nothing in Palestine or Afghanistan or Iraq or Lebanon comes close … Entire buses full of women and children charred to death by Russian missiles. Children found with hands tied and scalped to death. Women killed by having sharp stakes driven into their vaginas. Men tortured and left to die trapped in basins of concrete. Chechen exile groups have proof--photographs and videotapes aplenty--but they can't get anyone to pay heed.”

With the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Chechens and their neighbors who had similar experiences wanted freedom from Moscow. In 1991, Chechnya declared its independence but Moscow denied it on the basis that it would become a precedent for the other smaller ethnic republics. In a war that left the capital, Grozny, devastated, Moscow attempted to conquer Chechnya in 1994 but was unsuccessful. The Chechens rose to victory and gained independence in 1997 but Putin reopened the campaign in 1999, the mark of the second Chechen War, and there has been tumult in the region ever since.  During this war, bandits and ex-convicts were deployed by the Russian forces to ransack and butcher the locals. According to Kaylan, Chechens are viewed as barbarians but the root cause of their behavior is largely ignored:

“The average Russian thinks of the average Chechen as a kind of savage animal unfit to breathe the air of civilization. Fit only for extermination. How civilized would any of us be after suffering continuous Russian campaigns of genocide?” The world must certainly mourn and deplore the atrocities on the subway, and before that in the school at Beslan and elsewhere, but we should remember how the brutality began and why it continues. The Chechens undergo a new genocide with each change of regime in the Kremlin: the Czars, the Soviets and now Putin.”

According to another article published by three Chicago researchers, What Make Chechen Women So Dangerous, it’s not global jihad that drives the Chechen aggressors. “Yet however much Russia may want to convince the West that this battle is part of a global war on terrorism, the facts about who becomes a Chechen suicide attacker — male or female — reveal otherwise. Many Chechen separatists are Muslim, but few of the suicide bombers profess religious motives. The majority are male, but a huge fraction — over 40 percent — are women … Chechen suicide terrorism is strongly motivated by both direct military occupation by Russia and by indirect military occupation by pro-Russia Chechen security forces.”

Honor Killing

The recent murder of a 16-year-old Muslim girl reportedly buried alive by family members in southeastern Turkey puts the hot button issue of honor killings in the Islamic World back on the front burner.

Medine Mime’s body was discovered in a chicken pen after an anonymous tipster contacted the Turkish police, who said the girl had been killed following a family council meeting. Mime had complained she was repeatedly beat by her grandfather for befriending boys a few months prior to her death, according to police.

The century-old form of violence was allegedly committed by the accused woman’s male kin in the name of honor.

Honor killing is an expression of violence rooted in medieval societies when most women were considered possessions of tribes of families. The practice does not circumscribe Muslim societies, but extends to other parts of the world such as Latin America and China and to other religious communities such as Christians, Sephardic Jews and Druze.

"Research suggests that it would be an error to view it as being peculiar to a certain geographical area or belief system … In the hermeneutic study I demonstrate that Islam is an egalitarian and peaceful religion, and has absolutely no place in its guiding ethos for any thing like killing in the name of honor," Amir H. Jafri, author of "Honor Killing: Dilemma, Ritual, Understanding," writes. "That some Muslims also indulge in honor killing does not mean they are following the Islamic code.”

This ancient practice of honor has more to do with ubiquitous patriarchal axioms than any belief system. Leylâ Pervizata, a feminist researcher and human rights activist based in Turkey who has been soliciting the issue of honor killing since 1996, clearly states in her article, In the Name of Honor, that this type of violence is bound strongly to tradition rather than religion:

“Religious leaders’ attitudes toward honor killings is very clear: they denounce the practice. Similarly, activists working on the issue have never cited imams, the Qur’an, or Islam as sources of the problem in Turkey. This point was made clear to me when, during my visit in Urfa, one of the most religious and conservative cities in the country, I challenged the concept of honor killings by arguing that the Qur’an does not permit women to be treated like this. A very religious Muslim tribal leader responded, ‘This is honor, what has that got to do with the Qur’an? Men’s honor comes before the Book.’ Our exchange made me realize that invoking the Qur’an is not a useful way to denounce this violence. Instead, the concepts of masculinity, culture, and tradition, which are rooted in the community, must be studied and utilized to end honor killings.”

A profuse number of people continue to entangle honor killings with Islam the same way some associate terrorism with the religion.

Blame Islam, not the criminal. That’s the approach the media seems to adopt when dealing with violence or atrocities prevalent in predominantly Muslim countries. The name of the accused and "Muslim" is at tandem when the crime story is published.

Dorothy M. Murdock, an author also known by penname Acharya S, posted a controversial article on her website, "Freethought Nation," lashing against Islam for condoning honor killings in relation to the death of Mime.

 

"In other words, she was murdered because she's a girl - and that's what happens to girls in classical - not ‘radical’ or ‘extreme’ - Islam. Islam encourages girl murder, period. According to Islam, girls are worthless sex/household slaves and baby machines. If her ‘honor’ is sullied by any male - except, of course, the 70-year-old men she's ‘married’ to - a young girl needs to be murdered - that's what millions believe all across the Muslim world, whether or not the atrocious practice is pre-Islamic or condemned by certain imams."

 

Unfortunately, there is a multitude of people who think likewise. Apart from the column folk, popular writers such as Debra DeAngelo, winner of two awards for writing columns from the California Newspaper Publishers Association, and Boston Globe columnist Jeff Jacoby continue to tot up misconceptions regarding Islam that are strikingly offensive.

“While many authorities say that Islamic religious tradition does not sanction honor killing, it has long been accepted in many Muslim societies all the same. Perpetrators are typically punished lightly, if at all,” writes Jacoby in his article, ‘Honor killing comes to the US.’

Debra De Angelo’s weekly column on the murder of Aasiya Hassan in Buffalo, New York, while copiously sympathetic toward the victim, was offensive to Muslims at large.

“This horror took place not in some tribal area of the Middle East, where beheadings are acceptable forms of punishment, but in Buffalo, New York. Yes, right here in America … Note to Muslim world: Beheading is oh-so six centuries ago.”

Muslim world! And here we are, the United States of America, gloating in its apocryphal pride as a nation freed from racism and pigeonholing.

In another one of her previous columns Muslim Barbie, she writes:

“Tribal Salma. She comes with flexible legs that can be pulled sideways, because when her brother commits what the tribal elders deem to be a perversion, his transgression is mitigated by pinning Tribal Salma down so all the men in the village can rape her repeatedly. And, just to appeal to the preteen set, Tribal Salma is only 12. Think the dolls are offensive? How about the real thing! Let’s get offended about that! No, it’s not the mainstream Muslim world. But the mainstream Muslim world turns its head. It doesn’t object. Silence is complicity. To those Muslims who are offended by this column, I say this: The outrageous abuse of Muslim women offends ME.”

The mainstream Muslim world does not turn its head. It does object. In fact, the murder of Aasiya Hassan fueled a grievous response from American Muslims throughout the nation. Wajahat Ali’s article, “A wake-up call to the community,” clearly demonstrates a unified effort on behalf of the Muslim community in combating violence against women.

“‘Imam Mohamed Hagmagid Ali, vice-president of The Islamic Society of North America – one of the largest and most influential Muslim organizations in the US – exhorts: "This is a wake up call to all of us, that violence against women is real and can not be ignored. It must be addressed collectively by every member of our community. ’"

Murder in the Name of Honor, written by Rana Husseini, an award-winning Jordanian journalist is a public outcry against this practice, ‘when a life is less than honor,” in which she chronicles some of the stories she covered working as an investigative reporter for Jordan Times. In an interview with Democracy Now, Husseini states:

“So it’s really not restricted to any religion. I have covered cases of Christian women who were killed in Jordan for tarnishing their families’ honor, same in other parts of the Middle East. So really it has nothing to do with any religion. I think it’s mostly a tribal—I’m sorry, it’s a traditional practice more than a religious. For example, in India, Sikh families kill their daughters. In Iraq, a woman from a Yazidi faith was stoned to death recently. So, really, it has nothing to do with any religion, as much as it has to do with peoples’ wrongful cultural and traditional beliefs.”

Husseini’s book is an international appeal, a call to action addressing the whole of humanity, unified in its fight for justice that is parallel to Mukhtar Mai’s In the Name of Honor.

 

(Published in Illume Magazine)

An irresistable Joke

"An old man walks up to the White House and says to the marine guard at the gate: “I would like to see President Bush.” The marine explains that George Bush is no longer in residence as he is not the president any more. Next day, the man returns and makes the same request. Patiently, the marine repeats his earlier answer. When the guy comes back the third day and asks to see Bush again, the marine is a bit exasperated: “Sir,” he says. “Don’t you understand that George Bush is no longer president, and therefore does not live in the White House now?” The man replies: “Oh, I understand, all right. It’s just that I love the sound of those words.” The marine snaps off a smart salute and replies: 'See you tomorrow, sir!'”

Dear Daddy Long Legs

The world premier of the new musical by John Caird and composer-lyricist Paul Gordon, adapted from the popular 1912 novel by Jean Webster, was fabulous. Daddy Long Legs is a comical romance between the orphan and her not-so-old benefactor. Although The Mountain View Center for the Performing Arts was packed with mostly seniors, I was able to convince a bunch of students I am currently tutoring, to give it a chance and all of them, including a sixth-grader, enjoyed it immensely. It was my second viewing of Daddy Long Legs and I wouldn't mind watching it again.

Megan McGinnis, the witty orphan heroine, gave a dazzling performance and fit Jerusha Abbott's role perfectly. We see her mature into a 'proper person' through her college education from a depressed orphan who has no other identity but of a lonely 17-year-old girl who is the oldest inhabitant of the John Grier Home.The story follows Jerusha's humorous letters to her mysterious benefactor, who she has never seen and who never responds. She calls him Daddy Long Legs because she refuses to accept Mr. John Smith due to the name's lack of personality and manages to catch a glimpse of his towering shadow at the orphanage. His instructions to the orphan include a regular update of her academic achievements and ability of literary expression as she is studying to become a writer in return of his charity.

You may find this odd, but surprisingly, an aspect of the relationship Jerusha shares with Daddy Long Legs through her one-sided letters reminded me of my relationship with God in which you experience a change of emotion without a direct response from the receiver. In a way, it is fighting and making up with yourself or assembling and adjusting feedback based entirely upon your own imagination of the recipient of your thoughts. And it's fascinating how the human mind, quite normal and perhaps intelligent, is capable of such rational and can build a complete relationship around it.

Dear Daddy Long Legs,

I simply adore you.

Capit Mundi (Capital of the World)

It's been a while. But that's because I have a genuine excuse: Travel.

We landed in the capital of Italy, Roma which ranks as one of the most beautiful ancient cities of the world. Although it was a mid-November afternoon, we were unexpectedly greeted by warm weather, t-shirt weather as I would call it.

Visiting Rome is like traveling back in time, more like visiting history than a city. Having a history spanning over two-thousand years, Renaissance architecture is dominant throughout the city, including popular works from artists like Bernini, Leonardo da Vinci, and Rapheal, who lived in Rome for some time and Central Rome, with its ancient structures remains unblemished in character.

Powerful popes like Alexander VI resided there during the middle ages, and it is presently home to the Roman Catholic Church and Vatican City, making it a reverent center for Christianity. The Vatican City is run by the Catholic Church, giving Rome its Latin nickname, Capit Mundi.

To me, the Vatican Museum was the highlight of Rome. It is located in the Vatican City which is a walled state with the exception of St. Peter's Square and is surrounded by Rome. It is the smallest country in the world with a population of barely 900. The Vatican boasts of art that dates back to 3,000 years, the Sistine Chapel, and parts of the papal palace. Pictures and videos rob it of its grandeur and power. It must be seen and felt with the naked eye.

Other attractions in Rome are the Coliseum that attests to one of the greatest works of Roman architecture; it is the largest amphitheater in the history of the Roman empire. The Trevi Fountain, which is the largest Baroque fountain in Rome, the Spanish Steps, and the Pantheon, all contribute to this city's ancient beauty.

Two days in Rome did not suffice, but we headed to Florence as per our itinerary, which was just as rich in culture. Italians don't believe in renovation which charms even the most insignificant edifice. We saw the Michelangelo's masterpiece David which was absolutely stunning. I can't really describe it; the statue has a life of its own! Italy is known for its leather goods and the purses and boots my sister, cousin and I bought from Florence, definitely vouch for it!

After a day in Florence, we took the eurorail to Venice. And Venice is a dream. That is the best way I can describe it. That city does not have much similarity to the rest of the world. And Hilton Stucky Molino made our trip even more worthwhile. It is small and can be covered easily in two days. The main attractions include the Piazza San Marco, the Doges Palace, and of course, gondola rides. The city of water, the city of bridges, was a surreal experience.

Following Venice was Paris, our last destination. A beautiful city but I have to admit, slightly overrated. There is no doubt that the Louvre, Notre Dame, Eiffel Tower and Versailles were enthralling experiences, but Paris did not live up to my expectations and maybe the fault lies with the expectations. We spent about three days there but needed more; three days should be reserved only for the Louvre!

In retrospect, Rome, also known as the Eternal City, was numero uno.

One thing I forgot to mention is that Europe is awfully expensive so if you're planning a trip, make sure you have a big budget. Prices vary greatly from America; a decent meal will cost you about $30 including a soda OR water! Yes, they don't serve water without charge anywhere! Oh, and grocery stores close super early, like about 8 p.m., so don't expect a 7-11 or a Safeway there either. With that said, gioiosa viaggi (joyous travels)

Those Wretched Acres

Those Wretched Acres
Where solitude was plenty and happiness undone
Smirked the lazy rays of an indifferent sun
Upon an orphan grave extant

Some thirty years forgotten, in a dying city
Resigned of hope and gaiety
Flashed an eye the color of a lone desert

A love-child he was, Aahil Unknown
Born to acres spent in war
In error, those holy lots living in hate
Penned his days with bestial philosophies
The orphan, taught well by the fathers of slaughter
The craft of strapping death to his bosom and blood artistry
Learned none the ways of his age

Across the fields of dust from the boy
A mute girl blessed the earth
Quieting the clamor of ruins
And chanting mythical verses with her astral eyes

His scar-kissed face, a dream of youth
Statuesque and stately, none matched his faultless form except she
Unsettled in a labyrinth of ebony curls and scrambled semblance
Her frame most ordinary, unequaled to Aahil Unknown
But a fascinating simplicity that mocked empyrean beauty
Reviving Aahil’s childhood and consuming his solitude
She challenged his world of disdain
Tickling his wounds with ivory buds of hope
Harmonizing his Cimmerian shadow unto her own
Till those two in childhood rhyme
Matured into one for infinite time

But this veiled friendship was hard to keep alive
On those wretched acres that forbade life
Where likings were crushed and lovers stoned
To keep conscious the dead of war
Seasons soon, on a day as heartless as another
A hasty arctic wind whispering misgivings
Halted to greet the warrior alone
Resuscitating the fears of a soldier in love
Those wretched acres that stained fingers with red
And rifled any devotions except the holy pledge

Weighed Aahil the pendulum of love against strife
To find his boundless adulation for her rise
Thus scattering the beads of faith of the land
Aahil advanced with flighty feet for her hand
To take her beyond those bloodthirsty confines at eventide
Before the hallowed men could see his guise

Present and past, life and death, all akin
She caged his eclipsed eyes with fingers blanched
And set sail on a crippled canoe nodding in the quieted sea

Returned the mute girl ages hence
Consumed of age and silenced eyes
To those wretched acres at mid of day
Her weary fingers telling tales of sorrow
To that orphan grave extant

-Based on a thousand true stories

Fair n' Lovely, Dark n' Ugly

“It is a curse to be born a dark woman in this country.”  Her expressive eyes, carefully sculpted nose and very full lips engraved on a chocolate complexion would never allow a foreigner to think her color would be the bane of her 28-year-old life.

Amaya William’s earliest childhood memory sways her back to the windowsill she was tied to at her home in Mumbai, India, being punished by her mother for her sister’s deviltry.  Stripped of her clothes, stark naked, her body was etched in pain as Mom rubbed ‘lal mirchi’ (red chili powder) on her full-blown tiny frame.  She was five at the time.  That was a preview of her life’s coming attractions.  The stoic girl quietly states, “That’s just the way things were in my house; I was punished for any and everything.” 

The fiercely independent girl is dressed casually in a simple white t-shirt over a pair of dark-brown cotton harem pants; her square shoulders and straight posture gives her an air of confidence and a noticeable physical presence.  She cups her compact face with both hands, the plastic black bangles dancing around her wrists as she begins a stroll down memory lane, recollecting those painful years growing up.  We’re sitting in a cozy little restaurant set up on one of the less busier streets of Bangalore, India, perhaps to escape the shoals of traffic.  They take you around the world with their foods in small, thin paper plates.  But their specialty is the fruit shakes, which is one of the reasons Amaya and I chose the place.  

After a blithe waiter, quite generous with his smile takes our order of two mango milkshakes, Amy, as most address her, tries to light a cigarette, struggling against the restless monsoon wind.  I have been here a little over a month and still marvel at the remarkable weather, the garden city’s first element that won me over as soon as I stepped outside the airport on the last day of May to experience India for the first time from the United States of America. 

As I shape my first question, she is deeply focused on the smoke escaping in perfect little circles from the opening of her mouth.  There seems to be a transparent honesty about her demeanor that I noticed the first day I met her at the publication company I was interning for.  She bears a loud and clear message in her guise: I am what I am, like it or not. 

For Amy, the color discrimination began at home. Four sisters, born in succession, but “I am the black sheep of the family, literally the “black” sheep of my family.” The fact that her other three sisters were born lighter than her made her the object of constant discrimination.  Although she says she has blocked most, some memories are so stubborn, no matter how much you try to edit, erase, they remain just as they are.  She remembers how her mother would vigorously rub fairness creams on her face and her body in hopes of lightening her color when she was about eight years old.  “I associated dark with being dirty and ugly because that is what I was made to believe.”  Little Amaya would scrub herself for hours, thinking her color would somehow fade, that the ‘dirt’ would rub off.   The dejected eight-year-old girl tried to hang herself from a ceiling fan at her Mumbai home.  “Of course, that didn’t work all that well,” she laughs while I cry, without tears, for her past, envisioning a dispirited little girl, suicidal at an age when one doesn’t even understand death.  All because of the misery her skin color brought upon her.  

As a child, Amy desperately longed for affection, attention from her parents.  She quietly watched as her sisters were coddled with countless hugs and kisses, while she was never even addressed by sweet names.  Her parents would often leave her alone at home when they would go on a ‘family’ outing.  “Another incident that is stuck in my mind is when Dad had come to watch a dance all of us participated in, and after the performance was over, we ran up to him, but he literally pushed me away and hugged my other sisters.”  The only reason, she adds, that her three younger siblings were favored over her was because they were fairer.  “Who will get married to you,” she remembers her mother’s caustic words, echoing her relatives’ barbed comments on Amy’s dark skin.  “All I saw when I looked in the mirror was a black cloud.  I never thought dark can be beautiful.”  I catch myself thinking on and off during our conversation how it would feel to feel so ugly. 

Amy developed an eating disorder at the age of 12 or 13, and “my mom didn’t even notice.”  She’s placid throughout the interview as if she has become numb to it all.   That was the inside story.  Outside her home, at school, Amy had become quite sentient in discerning the color politics.  She was a talented singer and a ‘decent actress’ but was never given the opportunity to participate in any of her school events because “my color was always against me.”  And when she entered her teen years, she got stuck in an abusive relationship with her first boyfriend, and tolerated his verbal and physical attacks for years simply because, “he was the first person who told me that I was beautiful.”  She says she had never heard the word beautiful and her name in one sentence before and that made a world of a difference to her and was reason enough to keep her bound to him for six years.  “I seriously had no self-esteem, no self-confidence whatsoever.” 

As a result of this deep-rooted complex, after the breakup with her first boyfriend, Amy flatly says she became ‘promiscuous.’  “I was always vying for attention.”  Still, she says, most of her boyfriends would be afraid to introduce her to their mothers because she was dark.  The times she was able to meet a couple of her boyfriends’ mothers, one had said, “oh, you’re half South Indian, that’s why the color.”  Another one had told her son after meeting Amy, “but she’s so dark.”  Unbelievable.  I think about what a mountain people make out of one little remark on skin color in the West, and how it is generously accepted in the East.  They fight against it in the West, but live with it in the East.  “Just yesterday I was passing by a bus stand and repeatedly got called a “Negro” by some guys.”  She says she is so used to being called names like ‘kaali’ (blackie) by strangers that it just doesn’t faze her anymore.  “If I were to enter the marriage market, I would definitely have to settle for someone who is much, much older than me and far from the type of men I like,” she says.  She’s right.  Almost all the matrimonial columns that appear in print and on line here list ‘fair’ as a requirement.  She manages a smile that reflects acceptance, forgiveness, and to a degree, pity – pity toward the mainstream Indian society who is brainwashed into believing that dark cannot be beautiful. 

Amy has managed to change her family’s mindset and her parents, today, are genuinely apologetic for their behavior.  “My mother started changing her mind when I was discovered at a beach in Vizak by a photographer who wanted to click my pictures.” But even now, it’s “you’re dark BUT you’re beautiful, not you’re dark and beautiful.”   

            Twirling a strand of the thick black medium-length hair framing her face, Amy says this obsession with fairness is so deeply ingrained in the masses, it’s at a point of almost no return. White is simply better, she says.  And not only is it more attractive, but equates to a better husband, better job, and a more successful life in general. “In most companies, if I was competing for a position against a candidate less qualified than myself but lighter in skin, she would get the job.” Dark skin is associated with dirtiness, ugliness, and at its very best, seductive.  Seductive only on the ramp, or in Indian films.  “But even in Bollywood, Aishwariya Rai will always be better than Sushmita Sen mainly because of her color.”  The heroines of this monstrous film industry are usually light-skinned, at least the good girls, but who is chosen to do the seductress roles or steamy dance items? Ask anyone who is familiar with Bollywood, and the first face that pops up would be of sultry Bipasha Basu.  That is just the way it is.  Fair is innocent, desired, pristine. And dark, for the most part, spells doom. And it’s no secret either. 

Amy takes me to visit a popular chain, “Health and Glow,” scattered around Bangalore in every district of the city.  Just as I am warned, we encounter a dizzying range of fairness products.  The shelves are swamped with a variety of whitening soaps, masks and creams by Fair and Lovely, L’Oreal, Ponds, Garnier, Avon, Jolen, just to mention a few.  Some claim to turn your color shades whiter in ‘just 7 days,’ promising you beauty, romance and, adjusting to the so-called modern times in which women are stepping up in the work industry, power.   

‘The modern Indian woman,’ a term I heard countless times during my trip, unchained from archaic mindsets, rules and regulations to gain an identity of her own.  Now she has the freedom to be her own person.  She is fabulously independent, has power over her life and DOES NOT have to live with her dark skin.  That is the prejudice reinforced by in-your-face advertising for cosmetic products.  Here, the color of your skin can do wonders or blunders to your life if you are a woman.  We talk about the promotion of this dangerous prejudice and I recall the ridiculous commercial featuring top Bollywood stars, which I initially thought was a spoof! The campaign, consisting of several episodes, involves a dusky Indian actress, Priyanka Chopra, former Miss World, who is dumped by her fiancé, the famous Saif Ali Khan, for a light-skinned woman.  The heart-broken girl finds her hope in a jar of Pond’s White Beauty cream, and sure enough, her complexion is transformed, and so is her ex-lover.  The only fairness I found in Fair and Lovely was that they don’t discriminate against sexes; the company recently launched a product for the guys.  The commercial: A sinewy young man wearing trendy clothes and riding a motorbike is rejected by his beloved because of his dark skin, but after using the magical ‘Fair and Handsome,’ his color changes from brown to bright white, casting a spell on his sweetheart. 

Our interview ends at Amy’s apartment, which she shares with three other single girls.  We flip through some beauty magazines in which she points out the dusky models, saying, “only in the magazines Zee (my nickname).”  It’s a farce that dark women are considered beautiful here, she says.  “A big lie.”  Although Amy has grown to love herself, “there are still times I feel insecure about my color.”  And while the family scars have been treated, she admits she is not attached to her parents and one of the reasons she moved from Mumbai to Bangalore was because her identity there, at home, was largely dependent on her color, in fact, that was, pretty much, her only identity.  

The ride back to the guesthouse in the rickshaw transports me back in time to Pakistan, where I spent three weeks before arriving here.  India is not alone in its prejudice against dark skin.  In Pakistan, darker-skinned individuals are often at the bottom of society making up majority of the lower caste.  A remark made by a poverty-stricken ‘maalish vaali’ (masseuse) while I was in Lahore is pounding my memory.  (Translated from Urdu) “Whether your child is black or white, a child is still a child; my parents love me even though I’m so dark.” 

(Two months ago) Razia Bibi, a plump woman in her forties with a round face greets me with a wide smile exposing a set of straight, white teeth as I come out of the huge room I am staying in.  It’s a lovely house that has the look and feel of ‘old Lahore.’  Most maids and servants don’t even offer a handshake in Pakistan according to the norm; while the Muslim country condemns a caste system of any kind, the practice tells otherwise in almost every household, middle to upper class.  I am introduced to her by my host, my auntie’s 70-something mother.  Razia comes home every single day to help relieve ‘Nani’ (grandma) of her arthritis pain with an oil massage.  I step forward to give her a hug and her dark eyes show surprise as I put my arms around her. 

Razia is dark, very dark, just as most servants and lower-class members of Pakistan’s society I have seen in the past.  She has smooth, clear skin but her face appears to be invisibly scarred by suffering.  I can see it.  Within the first hour of meeting her, I learn she is quite talkative.  She is the breadwinner of her family and works seven days a week to support her unemployed husband who is addicted to heroin and all her five children.  Razia is the second wife of a man who has twelve kids in total but has stopped working since years while she has many more years on her face than she has lived.  Her honest exhaustion, somehow, puts me to shame. 

We are sitting in the lounge without any electricity in the cruel heat of summertime.  While Razia unfolds her life to me, I notice that she speaks as if she is almost apologetic of her color.  She had been kidnapped for marriage, and is trying to tell me how worried her parents were even though ‘she is black.’  I listen quietly, trying to harden my expression of sorrow for her life and absorbing the gravity of what she has just said.  I notice how her otherwise dolorous eyes light up when she speaks of her ‘fair grandchildren.”  That is the only characteristic she speaks of repeatedly when she talks about them.  I am too overwhelmed by the tragedy of her entire life to push the subject of color discrimination further with Razia, but the seed for my story has been planted by her comments. 

I spend the rest of my stay in Lahore observing the fairness fixation.  Compared to Indians, Pakistanis are usually lighter in skin, and when it comes to beauty, a number of them think they are superior than their neighbors based on skin color! I hear derogatory comments on Indians by a few Pakistanis which begin with ‘kaale’ meaning ‘dark ones.’  And these are people that belong to the educated sector.  India and Pakistan have long been rivals since the partition of 1947, but to use skin color as an attack is just pitiable.  They don’t realize it, and I don’t make them realize it, at least yet. 

Every single salon I walk into offers a variety of whitening services which include ‘face whitening,’ ‘body whitening,’ etc.  And those are the more expensive, sought-after services according to the employees.  The markets are also inundated with fairness products, mostly for women, reinforcing long-held prejudices against dark skin.  You see powdery white faces on Pakistani television, weddings, parties and the red-light district where prostitutes have dipped themselves in foundation shades lighter than their skin tone. 

The rickshaw jerks and I abruptly come back to the present.  We are not far from my temporary home in Bangalore.  I wonder where this color fixation came from, how these cultures became so terribly infected with this ridiculous obsession with fairness.  Is it a carryover from the colonial times during the British rule when Pakistan and India was one country? White was superior then, and although they have long gone, white remains superior.  We’re less than a minute away from my destination.  I glance at the meter to pay the rickshaw driver his due.  I gather my belongings as he pulls the colorful little vehicle in front of my guesthouse.  The old white dog, imperturbable by her surroundings, is sleeping outside the dwarfed gate of my temporary lodging.  My thoughts follow me as I step down from the rickshaw.  In the dark of the night, I walk toward the main door thinking that neither India nor Pakistan was able to gain independence from the British. 

 

(My first freelance story written for Illume magazine)

Mind Control

How would our life be different if we started using the right side of our brain more often? Most people use the left hemisphere of the brain to govern their actions and thoughts; according to the Silva Mind Control, created by Jose Silva in the 50s, training your mind to function at the alpha level, a state in which the brain frequency is between eight to thirteen Hz, through a series of exercises enables you to use both brain hemispheres. The gist of the Silva method is to use more than just the five senses.

The Silva method teaches you dynamic meditation achieved at the alpha level which takes you to a deeper senses of awareness  closely associated with intuition. The alpha level can be attained in about two minutes; the program takes you through a longer session to program your mind to link the physical and mental relaxation with specific numbers, the 3-to-1 countdown initially, but once you master this meditation technique, it should not take you more than two minutes to reach the desired state.

Silva experimented with his own children to help them raise their IQ levels some fifty years ago, and has been actively researching the human mind ever since. The program offers books, audio, video and classes taught by experts across the globe to help people guide themselves through their higher intelligence, or ESP to take control of their lives. For more information go to

http://www.jose-silva.net/content/articles/josesilva/visualization.php