I have to leave for San Francisco in about two and a half hours, which typically costs me about $15 to get there and back every day, and I hate the commute, but I love why I'm going there. As I sit in my bed with the laptop on my lap, typing and thinking, I can't help but be reminded of how content I really am.
I can't think of another time in my life when I have been so happy and eager to work. God has seriously blessed me, and you may not believe that, but that's ok, because I know I need to give God credit first for my own sake. But anyways, I remember being in school, like being at Dover Middle School and pretty much hating it. The only thing that got me through that was my involvement in music. Then I went to Fairfield High School and was a member of the Scarlet Brigade there, but then I realized I didn't like that either. I had nothing in common with the people and I hated marching. But I still, theoretically, did it for the love of music. I think mostly, I was afraid to try anything else because everything else seemed so horrible.
But, I quit band abruptly after enduring too much ridiculousness, and tried theater. I did enjoy it a lot, and so my senior year I was in a play called "Fortune's Chance: From the Earth to the Moon". I had three parts and I enjoyed the idea of pretending to be someone you weren't, and the creative aspect of stage design and blocking. Theater was closer to something I wanted to do, but that wasn't enough to convince me.
So I went to college for about a year and a half at a private university called Point Loma, which turned out to be a colossal waste of my time and more importantly my money. It's about $25,000 a semester, which was mostly covered by my scholarships, until they decided to change the rules about that (until they got sued and were forced to change the rules back AFTER I left). I was one of two people who enrolled in their "music-business" program, and the person was from Fairfield too. However, that person left the school, and I remained as the sole Music-Business major at Point Loma until a day two after when my adviser broke the news that they were dissolving my major. I was real happy with that...
So I left. I was already angry and frustrated enough as a struggling artist, so my brain just zapped. I came home and just sat in my room for about a year (not literally, I went out to eat and possibly shower). I was in a deep depression. I think I needed a while to "find myself".
So, after a while I went back to college at Los Medanos down in Pittsburg, CA, and took more music-business classes. These were real music-business classes. At Point Loma, I would compare the classes to this: for Marine-biology, they would have taught courses about the Marines, and about cellular structures, not about sea turtles and the ocean. At Point Loma I was being taught music theory, and accounting, and nothing about contracts and record label deals. But at Los Medanos, I got the real deal.
And I hated it. I realized that record producers are complete scum, usually. They treat artists like objects, and force them to change whatever it takes about themselves to turn a profit. I was really shocked that I hated it so much. I still loved music, but I realized that being some huge rock star wasn't for me, at least not that way. It would be a miracle at this point because I don't trust producers.
At that point, I was in a brand new world. It was deeply disappointing, like a standing in a pasture after a fire, but then again I could see some potential life for the future springing up. I decided to go to school at Solano part time so that I could defer my loans. I didn't care about learning, I just didn't want to pay off loans to Point Loma because I hated the school for screwing me over. But anyways, I decided to take a screenplay writing course for fun because it was at the time and day I wanted to go to school.
I was a little apprehensive because as far as I could remember all my English teachers hated me. If any of you out their were my fellow students who are reading this blog, I'm sure you could attest to that. Sigh. Well, the fact is, I thought they were illogical hormonally challenged hippies anyway. Hehe. How's that for a blanket opinion? I remember one teacher, Mrs. Mclelland at Dover M.S. who told me I had great potential as a writer, and that is the entirety of the encouragement I have ever received from an English teacher. But writing screenplays is different, I thought to myself, I could handle this.
So I took the class and I was fascinated by the whole thing. I loved the idea of "story". I didn't know I would want to end up being a filmmaker until much later however. I took the film courses at Solano College several times until I couldn't get credit for them anymore, but I learned enough to get me interested in learning more. But Solano College wasn't enough for me. In fact, most academic institutions wouldn't have been enough for me at that point. I needed a school that would actually teach me exactly how to make a movie in today's world, not teach me the history of how the industry got to where it is today, or the theory behind shooting and writing a movie. Show me (what can I say, I was born in Missouri).
It took me a while, and I almost went to USC, but I remembered that I hated the glitz and glamor of Hollywood, until my buddy Dave told me about a new school being started out in San Francisco called the San Francisco School of Digital Filmmaking, www.sfdigifilm.com . At first I thought, what is it like some sort of video school where they teach you how to make corporate training videos? But upon my first visit, seeing the big greenscreen and all the equipment, I realized that I had to go to this school.
I decided to take out another loan and start courses there in Spring of 2005 and I haven't regretted it since. I graduated last year after being there about 40-60 hours a week, every week. I don't think I could have learned more in such a short period of time about filmmaking. I really can't think of anywhere else someone will take the time to teach you, all the while forcing you to use the equipment and make some movies. It's totally awesome.
Over the course of 2004 and early 2005, before I started school, I, and my friends Dave and Ryan, wanted to do a story about something cool. That something mutated from vampires to werewolves, but I really didn't like the idea of doing yet another movie about vampires and werewolves, so eventually the notion of angels and demons came up, and I had an epiphany. I started writing various ideas and permutations for angel characters, but finally I decided that it needed to be a human story. Angel characters are very cool and interesting, but without a human perspective, it would all seem a little out there. So I came up with a character named Priest. He isn't a priest, he was named such as a tribute to a past where individual freedom was standard, unlike the oppressive world he lives in. The catch is, Priest can see angels and demons, so he thinks. In fact Priest doesn't know what to think. Sometimes he thinks he's going crazy.
The point is, as my senior thesis, I was able to shoot a small portion of my angels and demons story, which has three full features planned mind you, and I have been incredibly lucky, which I call blessed, because I have had so much amazing material created for the movie. I will have a post with pictures sometime soon. It was a highly ambitious student short, and I think people have really responded to the level of excellence I require, and I really appreciate that.
But the point of ALL of this is this: I am content. I am happy to be struggling and unhappy with where I am now. I am happy to be working hard on making something of myself. I am happy to be blessed with the stuff that has been done already. Even though I have failed numerous times, I am content in what I am doing, and it's a great feeling. There is nothing better than allowing God to help you find your purpose in life. How did God do that? That will be another post too.
Anyways, I have to go now. I need to get ready to go shoot today.
Later,
Josh Harris