Daily Republic Community Voices

Botanical Blog: Xeriscape gardens for less money and maintenance

By Cheryl Potts

We are living in a time where more and more people are becoming aware of the dwindling resources on our planet.

We watch the news and see the effects of global warming. We see dried up lakes. Our local pelicans are in peril.

We wonder about the worlds oil supplies.

As gardeners, generally, we are the kind of people who really do care about this planet, Earth. We can recycle, compost, feed our bird friends, and help others to become educated about good ecological practices.

Here is a suggested step for those wanting to grow in their conservationists abilities  xeriscaping.

Xeriscape, taking the Greek word xeros, meaning dry and combining it with landscape, was originally developed for drought-afflicted areas.

The principles of xeriscape today have an ever broadening appeal. With water now considered an expensive and limited resource, all landscaping projects, residential as well as commercial, can benefit from this alternative.

What is Xeriscape? It is simply a method and/or philosophy of gardening that conserves water, saves money and requires less maintenance than conventional gardening.

The obvious benefits of such a practice are as follows:

Saves water: For most of North America, more than 50 percent of residential water used is applied to landscapes and lawns. Xeriscape can reduce landscape water use by 50 percent to 75 percent.

Less maintenance: Aside from occasional pruning and weeding, maintenance is minimal. Water requirements are low and can be met with simple irrigation systems.

No fertilizers or pesticides: Using plants native to our area will eliminate the need for chemical supplements. Sufficient nutrients are provided by healthy organic soil.

Improves property value: A good Xeriscape can raise property values and more than offset the cost of installation. Protect your landscaping investment by drought- proofing it.

Pollution free: Fossil fuel consumption from gas mowers is minimized or eliminated with minimal turf areas. Small turf areas can be maintained with an old fashioned push mower.

Provides wildlife habitat: The use of native plants, shrubs and trees offer a familiar and varied habitat for local wildlife.

To get started, it is important to understand the basic principles of Xeriscape.

First there is planning and design to consider. Learn what plants are available at your local nurseries that are drought tolerant.

Know your garden well. Where is east, west, south and north? Where is there shade a lot of time, or part of the time?

Plan out your garden with plants grouped by watering needs for the most efficient use of water. Know your little hills where water can run off. Know where you may want to retain some lawn area and make sure it will be easy to mow. (Remember, you are now going to use a push mower.)

Consider the planning of each area. Make an area for seating, walkways, visual barriers, dining and play. Large plantings such as shrubs and trees can be positioned to provide natural heating and cooling opportunities for your house.

Secondly, look at soil improvement. The ideal soil in a water-conserving landscape does two things simultaneously  it drains quickly and stores water at the same time.

This is achieved by increasing the amount of organic material in your soil and keeping it well aerated. Compost is the ideal organic additive, unless your xeriscape contains many succulents and cacti. These species prefer lean soil.

It may be worthwhile to have your soil tested, as most soils tend to be alkaline and low in phosphorous. Adding bone meal can help.

Reduce the size of your lawn or turf as much as possible. When planting new turf, or reseeding existing lawns, ask your garden center for water saving species adapted to our area.

For best results, select plants that are native to our region. Use drought-resistant plants. Select plants for their ultimate size. This reduces pruning maintenance.

Trees help to reduce evaporation by blocking wind and shading the soil. For hot, dry areas with south and west exposures, use plants which need only a minimum of water. Along north and east facing areas, slopes and walls, choose plants that like more moisture.

It is very important you do not mix plants with high-and low watering needs in the same planning area.

If compost is gold, mulch is platinum. Cover the soils surface around plants with mulch, such as leaves, course compost, or bark. This helps retain soil moisture and temperature. Organic mulch will slowly incorporate with the soil, and will need more applied from time to time.

Water conservation is the goal, so avoid overwatering. Soaker hoses and drip-irrigation systems offer the easiest and most efficient watering for xeriscape because they deliver water directly to the base of the plant.

This reduces moisture loss from evaporation. They also deliver the water at a slow rate which encourages root absorption and reduces pooling and erosion. In general, it is best to water deeply and less frequently.

Finally, low maintenance is one of the benefits of xeriscape. Keeping the weeds from growing up through the mulch may require some attention. Thickening the layer of mulch will help.

Turf areas should not be cut too short. Taller grass is natural mulch which shades the roots and helps retain moisture.

Avoid over fertilizing.

So now that you are inspired to change your ways and start a xeriscape garden, do you run outside and begin to tear out everything in sight? No.

Do not try and do it all at once. Think about your landscape in pieces. Start with easy, manageable projects.

Consider removing a few feet of the grass along the driveway or sidewalk. Plant some non-thirsty cover plants or small shrubs there instead.

Consider replacing the lawn on steep slopes with a rock garden, tiered wall, or low spreading evergreens. As with pavement buffer plantings, the water that runs down the slope from other parts of the yard will be captured by these plants.

Think ease and economy. Try to re-group flowers and other plants so the yard is organized into different water zones.

Use mulches between shrubs, flowers and in the vegetable garden. Research an inexpensive, labor saving drip or soaker water system for no-turf areas.

Think limits. You may have more lawn than you want. You could remove turf from narrow, hardto-water strips and replace it with pretty, drought-tolerant plants.

Take a walk in your yard. Come up with some ideas of your own. Just be realistic about time and money. Xeriscaping slowly lets you allocate both over a span of years.

Cheryl Potts is a Master Gardener with the University of California Cooperative Extension office in Fairfield. If you have gardening questions, you can call the Master Gardeners office at 784-1322.

Memories of the Great Depression

GREAT DEPRESSION

1929 ….. people remember it as "THE GREAT DEPRESSION"..... the time when bankers on Wall Street solved their problems by leaping out the windows of 13-story buildings, their losses too great to face.

My shattered memory recalls a blustery, snow-banked middle-of-the night interruption of sleep at our house. Men came pounding on the front door calling, "Arch.....Arch.....Mr. Hanna.....come..... your store is burning!"

Dad had been in bed for a day or two suffering from painful shingles. Mom scrambled to get up, had jumped into her clothes, and helped Dad. They donned heavy coats, hats, boots, scarves, and gloves. Mom draped a woolen shawl around Dad's shoulders as, together, they went out the front door.

Five-year old me was sleeping with Grandma Hanna. We were jerked awake, put blankets around our shoulders, and went to the window in Mom and Dad's room so we could see the road in front of our house. A raft of black tires were rolling down the hill into the piles of snow. People were shouting and there was a great flare in the sky from the conflagration in the middle of our small town.

We watched for a long time......there was nothing else we could do. We worried about my folks and waited for word about the devastation. Finally, Mom and Dad came home......hugely bowed by their loss. The fire had swallowed our two-story Keystone gas station, the Chevrolet auto sales and repair shop, and what had been our first home.....the upstairs apartment. The building was gutted..... everything except for a few odds and ends people had rescued was burned, exploded, or otherwise destroyed. Now what?

My three-year younger brother, Ernie, and I were shielded from Dad's feelings of desperation. I don't remember seeing his suffering.....but now I know he must have been in agony. He would pick up the pieces and go on.....but how?

When I graduated from eighth grade, Dad and Mom allowed me to order an outfit from the Spiegel catalog......a blue crepe dress with an accordion-pleated skirt, blue shoes, and a three-quarter length sky-blue soft nylon coat. It was my very first store-bought outfit and I loved it. I felt special all dressed up..... I didn't think about how Dad pinched funds to pay for it.....it wasn't mentioned.

Every spare moment I had I helped Dad at the garage he built on one-half of the original foundation. His mechanic, my Uncle Harold, repaired vehicles, but Dad no longer sold Chevrolet cars. Now he sold farm supplies mostly stored in the basement that had been dug out underneath one-half of the new garage building. We sold tires and auto parts.....and there was a candy and tobacco section..... my domain. Dad allowed a lot of people to run charge accounts.....it was my job to enter all the slips in his ledgers. I cleaned shelves and floors.....I loved just being involved in the business "with my Dad."

In 1942, I graduated from Townville High School as the Valedictorian of my class. I won an American Legion Scholarship, but it was to Universities I had never considered and did not intend to investigate. Even with the award, I knew we couldn't afford any of them.....and..... I had always planned to attend Edinboro State College.....my Mon's college.....to prepare to be a teacher. When Dad received notice of the scholarship, he brought the telegram down to the house. In the kitchen, he read the announcement to me and Mom.....it was the only time I remember him hugging me as tears ran down his cheeks.

In September, I enrolled in College. The Townville banker's daughter, Margaret, was the only student there that I knew..... and she had nothing to do with a garage-girl. When my name was put up for the Sorority, she black-balled me. After she graduated, I was invited to become a member; I did.....but I was more identified by membership in the music group.....We performed a Gilbert and Sullivan Operetta in which I was "poor little Buttercup".....my only dramatic experience at ESTC.

By Christmas my freshman year at Edinboro, all but two young men rated 4-F had been called up for the services in World War II. The College went on a fast track to get teachers out in the field in three years. When I graduated in June, 1945, Dad had a mortgage-burning event at our house.....finally the loan he obtained from his brother-in-law, Ernest Prather, to rebuild after the 1932 fire was PAID. It was then that I realized the magnitude of his loss and how he had struggled to re-establish his business and pay for me to go to college. I knew I had to repay him by being successful in my chosen profession. I owed him.

I wonder how many parents could accomplish the same for their children now.....in this time of pinching their budgets? There aren't many people as determined as my Dad.....not many who would work eighteen hours a day – seven days a week - for their family.....not many. Today, too many expect the government to take care of them. If we are on the verge of another "GREAT DEPRESSION" can we survive?

The Loss: Watching the excitement of my granddaughter

By Arzennie Owen
Terrin has had a hard life. Probably not as hard as some. She has lived through several abusive encounters, neglect and for the most part to find for herself. The most stable person Terrin has had is a praying grandmother.
Terrin’s grandmother is filled with joy as she watches her oldest grandchild finally make it to the college door. Not only has she made it to the college door but, she opened the door and went in. There she connected with the right people and has been accepted into culinary management, a three-year program at The Art Institute in Sacramento.
She has attended some church. There is something within her that lead her to step out of her comfort zone. Without resources or transportation. She has unbelievable drive and faith that she is going to make it despite her circumstances. This young lady with odds against her, with her grandmother’s encouragement. She will make it to graduation and on to open her own business.
I write this to encourage other young people who do not have someone to encourage you. You may have no resources but you have a made-up mind along with motivation to get the job done. You will succeed. Believe in yourself and your higher power.
I am here to encourage you as you take your rites of passage in becoming a productive citizen in your community. Sometimes reaching out to those who need us means coming out of our comfort zone to help them reach their full potential. An old African proverb says “it takes a village to raise a child.” It also takes a village to help our young people reach their dreams.

It's Time: To be concerned about the election

Let’s change that to it’s time to be very concerned. The McCain campaign has opened a Pandora’s Box with the way they have handled Obama’s association with William Ayers. If you listen to McCain, the question that he raises is truth to the electorate and the way Obama thinks, I can buy that as a legitimate question to be raised. What has taken the argument to the edge of the abyss is Palin and the conservative surrogates who have talked about Obama “paling around” with terrorists and getting money and endorsements from foreign terrorists. Uniformed Police Officers are talking about Barrack Hussein Obama to incite the Florida crowds, this is too much.

I really believe that even McCain realizes this; I continue to believe that McCain wants to keep this campaign on the issues, but his strategists have realized that this isn’t a winner, because they can’t solve the economic issues and keep the conservative, laissez faire base. They also realize you can’t add government and drop taxes; they’re caught in a box. Distraction is the only way out. But this gambit is way too dangerous.

I agree that Obama starting his political career in Ayers home is a lapse in judgment. I’m leaning towards Obama, but this still bothers me. Reading Chicago papers, it seems Ayers family is Chicago elite, and Ayers has been accepted like a crazy uncle. A very dangerous, crazy uncle, but accepted, none the less. Sitting on a board with Ayers? Not so much. I’ve set on a number of boards with people that I thought had dangerous ideas, but I felt the cause was important, and I thought that it was important to have other points of view represented.

Here comes the part I am hesitant to write, but I think it needs to be said. There are people in this country who are not enlightened and are upset that an African American could become President. The McCain campaign, with Palin and surrogates, has added the assertion that Obama is also in league with the terrorists, at the least, or a terrorist himself. Add these two factors together and I fear that there may be a “patriot” out there who feels he has to save the country from itself. Who knows how that may manifest itself?

It’s time that McCain steps forward, makes a speech clarifying the issue, and making himself clear as to his beliefs regarding Obama. He also needs to tell his campaign that he has standards, even if they don’t, and he will no longer stand for this strategy being used in his name. It’s time for issues, not playing on the fears of the fringe, to be the strategy. This election is too critical, and the candidate’s stands too important, to let stuff like this go on.

GOOD LUCK

Dude Who Makes Movies: America's growing pains

From wikipedia.

"In 2002 there was an interagency review of the effectiveness of the 1995 regulatory changes to the Community Reinvestment Act and new proposals were considered.[6] In related 2003 proposals, the Bush Administration recommended that a new Department of the Treasury agency should supervise the primary agents guaranteeing subprime loans, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Congressional support was approximately split along Party lines, with many Republicans in support of the changes and the Democrats against, and the proposal eventually failed due to the many republicans that sided with the dems.

Barney Frank, the ranking Democrat on the House Financial Services Committee, voiced his opposition to the changes, saying that "these two entities -- Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac -- are not facing any kind of financial crisis. The more people exaggerate these problems, the more pressure there is on these companies, the less we will see in terms of affordable housing." Representative Melvin L. Watt (D) from North Carolina agreed, saying that the revisions would be a "shell game" that moves "something from one agency to another," and weaken "the bargaining power of poorer families and their ability to get affordable housing."

From me.

Barnie Frank is the Democratic representative from Massachusetts with the comedic lisp who poked fun at Republicans who voted "nay" today.

I'm not a republican or democrat, but it sure seems that the major issue at hand is that politicians simply lack the intelligence to make the correct decisions to properly guide our nation into the future. Sounds harsh? Read more about the CRA. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_Reinvestment_Act

Frankly, from what I have read, it has been Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton who brought this trend of subprime mortgages upon the nation. I understand it was done out of compassion, but I believe that a deal needs to be a just deal. And even though I don't like the Bush's, both George H. W. and George W. seemed to recognize that the CRA was having incredibly destabilizing effects on our economy.

But ultimately, it wasn't just that. It was America itself. People got greedy and lazy. Americans wanted the big house, but didn't really want to pay for it. Americans wanted to lend money to people who would pay much higher interest later so that an enormous profit might be grabbed. Americans are at risk of becoming a house divided when they prey upon themselves, or choose to deny the money they owe to their fellow Americans.

Americans want to just point the finger at the government, lenders, and Wall Street, but what about the consumer mindset of greed? Why is it that as Americans, we must always be discontent, and that we must constantly consume bigger and better things? Don't we see that staying in debt constantly should not be normal? What possible use is currency when we are spending our futures? What possible use is currency when the flow stops? The current current is neither in the now nor is it fluid. It's planned ahead of us and it's static. We have no future because we sell it in order to live in the now.

We as a people need to put responsibility above our desires. We must live within our means, and not live off of a fictitious balance sheet. We need to stop being such a consumer nation, where we see the problems prevalent almost everywhere from energy shortages, water shortages, obesity, and now the fundamental issue which seems to cause humans to get up in arms without fail; real estate. How many wars have been fought over land?

The point is, maybe now if we, the Americans, can see that American immaturity when it comes to finances and global resources might cause us to lose our home, we will fight the war against our own selfish nature, a battle that will pay great dividends for our children and grandchildren. We will reclaim our identity, and we will make the stock in our nation skyrocket, and this stock will stay steady and calm, as good as gold, and that stock is most commonly called the Dollar.

The Dollar is a promissory note. A promise to make good on an offer. The value of this promise is as good as our word as Americans. If we live in debt, and fail to pay what we promise to pay, collectively as a nation, what good is our promise? What good is the promise of the American government? What good would it do for other nations to invest in our promises if we don't keep them?

Securities? What at all is secure about a group of mortgages that people are not paying? What possible incentive would there be for China and the E.U. to continue to do business with Americans if they don't do what they promise to do? Introductory rates are simply traps, half truths to get people to believe that rate will remain the same, when the lenders know they won't. In return, the lendee can't pay when the rates jump, thus turning them into liars as well when they can't pay. Regardless of the intent, the promises are broken, and the promissory note is weakened. Credit freezes. What is a Dollar but a reflection of American attitude?

Of course, we need to live justly, but at the end of the day, we need to learn from our mistakes, and show ourselves, if not the whole nation, mercy. We need to fix ourselves. We need to bail ourselves out. But then... we need to keep our promises. Be responsible. Don't be greedy. Look out for the needy. These are all things that would correct the problems that we face because it would unite us together as a people as opposed to dividing us. The CRA was an attempt at that, but clearly the government can't force Americans to be responsible, so therefore we need to do it on our own.

We need to secure our way of life, using our liberty, so that ultimately we can pursue happiness. We shouldn't pursue happiness using our liberty as a way of life.

Hispanomics: A Dark Week in Fairfield

We lost Matt Garcia this week. Sadness strikes as we each attempt to understand the tragic loss of one so vibrant, so full of energy, ideas and limitless potential. The taking of Councilman Matt Garcia’s life impacts us all: young, old, White, Black, Asian and Hispanic.

At 22 Matt had already achieved political success as a leader and role model. And, he achieved the great admiration of our community. As we know he also became the youngest councilman to be elected in California’s history and the youngest Latino councilman to be elected in the US. Although aware of his “firsts” Matt I believe valued making the world better than he found it more than any accolade.

As we mourn a life taken at its absolute best and purest state let’s also think of a time down the road when we will celebrate what Matt gave each of us: a promise of hope and limitless potential. He showed us we need to focus on the important things to sustain our community like crime prevention, better education for our youth, a better infrastructure to keep our youth safe and on the right path.

Pray for Matt, for his parents, for his family, and for our community. Pray that we find a path to wisdom and follow Matt’s footsteps in making our community better than we found it.

Una Semana Triste en Fairfield

Perdimos a Matt García esta semana. La tristeza nos envuelve mientras tratamos de comprender la pérdida trágica de una persona tan vibrante, tan llena de energía, de ideas y de un potencial sin límites.

La muerte del Concejal Matt García nos impacta a todos, jóvenes, ancianos, blancos, negros, asiáticos e hispanos. A los 22 años Matt ya había alcanzado éxito en la política y tenía la gran admiración de nuestra comunidad. Como sabemos, llegó a ser el concejal más joven elegido en la historia de California y el concejal latino más joven en los Estados Unidos. Aunque sabía de sus logros, Matt, yo creo, daba más valor a hacer el mundo mejor que lo que él había encontrado.

Mientras lamentamos una vida tomada en su mejor y su más puro estado, pensamos también en el futuro cuando celebremos lo que Matt nos dio a cada uno de nosotros, una esperanza, un potencial sin límites. Nos mostró que necesitamos enfocarnos en las cosas importantes para sostener a nuestra comunidad como prevención contra el crimen, una mejor educación para nuestra juventud, una infraestructura mejor para mantener a nuestra juventud a salvo y en el camino recto.

Oren por Matt, por sus padres, por su familia y por nuestra comunidad. Oren para que encontremos el camino y la sabiduría y sigamos las huellas de Matt haciendo a nuestra comunidad mejor de lo que la encontramos.

The Loss: Ending a treasured vacation with granddaughter

Bringing our vacation to a close has created mixed feelings. We enjoyed our time together and being away from home and what all that entails.
The highlight of our vacation was a time for us to bond, as if we were not already close. Nichelle and I spend most of our days together.
I know Nichelle enjoyed going to Namah, Texas, to the Boardwalk and visiting with the stingrays. This experience was huge for her in that her Dad vacationed once in Hawaii and swam with stingrays. Nichelle says that it was not a wise thing to do and told her Dad so.
She wanted to see the new Batman movie after walking the pier and feeding the catfish that was in a pond, so off to the movies we went.
The time we spent in Baytown, Texas, was one of the highlights of our trip. Thanks to my long time friend of 30 years, Daisey.
Would I ever do it again? I am seeking wisdom on it. Only because things did not go the way planned. There is a saying that "the most laid out plan can have flaws".
Perhaps I would change the way we traveled. We went by bus to Houston, and to Dallas. A lesson that I learned on this trip is not to depend on people promises. They will disappoint you. You go expecting one thing and something else happens.
We enjoyed spending time with my 94-year-old Auntie and enjoyed her cooking and her history of the family. She is awesome, doing what she needs to, living alone, in her right mind and she is enjoying this season of her life. I am happy about that. Lastly, we visited where Mom lived for the last couple of years of her life. I left a plaque in Mom's memory at the resident home. It was wonderful reconnecting with the caregivers there and they received us well.
I tried to give the important highlights of our trip, I pray the message will help another grandmother who has a desire to vacation with a grandchild.
Nichelle will have that memory long after I am gone.

Botanical Blog: Swimming sprises after vacation

I’ve just returned from a week’s vacation visiting family back East.
First thing I do after greeting the cat is go have a look at the garden. Of course, everything has grown unimaginably -- the peaches are ripe and the naked ladies are in full bloom for the first time since I planted them two years ago. My husband has done a fine job of watering the pots.
I check the pieces of Japanese aralia cuttings I have rescued from an acquaintance’ s foreclosed garden. I am trying to root them. It’s an experiment -- one cutting is in earth, stuck unceremoniously in the rose bed, and the others are in the bucket.
Hooray! The earthbound one has rooted! The bucket, however, is another story. To my horror, it’s full of wriggling mosquito larvae. They will have to go.
Such is the fate of standing water here in Solano County. All those unused and uncovered pools, abandoned buckets, any container that can and does hold water becomes a mosquito nursery in the summer. I’m emptying that bucket ASAP.
The cuttings? I’ve stuck them in the rose bed, too.
-- Riva Flexer

Gulp Fiction: Succumbing to the iPhone temptation

DAVIS - Doing my best (I won’t mention his name on such a public forum) impression, I killed my cell phone last night. Apparently, urinating on your cell phone is not a good idea. Who would have thought?

I told the guy at the store that it fell in the pool. Though I never like to lie, I felt it was necessary. He was a nice guy but, regardless of his charms, I feel he deserved it.

I don’t know if I was still drunk or if he was a hell of a salesman but I bought, heaven forbid, an iPhone.

I can barely afford to buy a bucket to defecate in and yet I bought the yuppie’s accessory.

It might be my need to settle sports arguments, my penchant for wikipedia, or my need for constant access to pornography that led me to purchase such a needless device, but it most likely is living beyond my means that incites me so.

As my father says, “He’s drinking champagne on a beer budget.”

Izza warned me not to, and she was right, but there was something that told me I had to have it.

The ability, I guess, to see Jenna Jameson with her feet behind her head anytime I desire was too good a deal to pass up.

It looks like PB-and-J sandos till the next paycheck for me. It looks like the doghouse will be my house for the rest of this pay period.

Looking back, majoring in English probably wasn’t a very good idea. Maybe entertaining some delusion that I can write wasn’t the best delusion one could have.

Poverty is never nice, but poverty with a college degree has a particular sting to it. The felling of entitlement is lost in the day-to-day shoveling of manure of it all.

Education doesn’t mean a thing when you have nothing to eat. And you can’t eat an iPhone.

Last night was bad. Anytime I find myself in a bar in Sacramento is bad. And anytime I find myself in a cash-only bar in Sacramento is especially bad.

The music was good, I think. I remember very little of it all but I think it was good. I woke up with Cyndi Lauper in my head and I have no idea where that would have come from other than the bar.

The blur of it all seems eerily reminiscent of Saturdays past with more strangers, less nudity and a healthy dose of desperation.

I had a vague memory of wanting to get a tattoo. According to Izza, I was set on the idea until she stopped me, with constant reminding, that there was no way possible they were going to tattoo a man in my state.

“I’m a sailor,” I thought. “Without the sodomy, of course,” I figured. “They have to tat me up.”

Luckily, I relented. If I had woke up this morning with an anchor on my arm I would have . . . well, joined the Navy, I guess.

Instead, I am alone, writing, with no money, a headache, and an order for an iPhone. They gave me a loaner phone, but I have no idea how to use it and I lost all my numbers. So holler at your boy. Luckily, I can’t go on one of my patented drunk-dial sprees of which I am known for. At least for now.

Have you succumbed? Visit Gulp Fiction and let us know your iPhone adventures.

For Those About To Rock: The Secret to Singing

Selecting the proper song for karaoke is a subtle art form, like painting the roof of the Sistine Chapel or silk-screening a collection of 32 cans of Campbell’s Soup.

OK. Maybe that’s overstating a touch.

Anyone can stand in front of a microphone and try to sing a song — that’s the basic premise on which the idea of karaoke is founded.

I remember intense hesitation at the thought of singing in front of a crowd of strangers and friends. But after some moderate coercion by my friend, Chris, — who used a magic elixir known as “alcohol” to whittle my resistance — there I was, pretending I could sing The White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army.”

That was several years ago now. I’m by no means a karaoke expert, but I have learned a few tricks along the way.

Trying to sing your song and attempting to do it in a way that doesn’t shatter glass, make dogs howl at the moon and send the barflies running for the exits, that’s another story.

So, here’s a few handy hints from the journeyman karaoke-r:

Rule No. 1 is song knowledge. Do not sing a song with which you’re not familiar. This seems obvious, but it is No. 1 because it is paramount. You can’t just know the first half really well and be fuzzy on the latter. Don’t go thinking you can do Bob Dylan’s “Hurricane” without having a firm grasp on all 11 verses.

I have witnessed karaoke performances that were as painful as George Clooney’s torture scene in “Syriana” because the singer didn’t follow and respect rule No. 1.

The second rule then follows that just because you know it doesn’t mean you can sing it. If the cat runs and hides behind the TV when you’re practicing, it’s probably a sign that you’ve chosen something that’s a little out of your range. Despite the fact Journey seems to effortlessly recruit Steve Perry sound-alikes, it does not mean you should try “Don’t Stop Believin’.” If you honk like a squeeze toy when trying to sing Björk, it’s time to choose another tune.

This doesn’t just apply to the high notes. It’s a little-known fact that not everyone can brandish a low or gravelly voice. Only someone with a good angsty growl and fire in the belly should attempt a Tool song.

Knowing your range is essential if you want to impress. I absolutely love John Legend’s “Ordinary People,” but there is a reason he is paid to sing it and perform it and I am not — his singing voice does not sound like the mating call of a wild animal. This stands as a warning to many, many would-be vocalists who think sauntering to the microphone and belting out anything in Pharrell’s famed falsetto is as easy as walking are sorely mistaken. Know your register and be OK with it.

Third is picking a popular song. Frankly, what you sing makes a statement about what you like, so this is tough. I’m a habitual offender of this rule. One time, I flipped through the titles and selected Live’s “They Stood Up for Love” because I love the lyrics. This was quite the song-selection faux pas — I could hear pool balls clacking against each other in an adjoining room as I sang. When you pick something obscure, the audience says, “It’s nice that you have an encyclopedic knowledge of music. No one cares. Now sit down.”

It’s important to choose something which represents you, yes, but not at the risk of alienating the audience. You won’t find me singing Neil Diamond or Madonna unless I’ve lost a bet. Also, this also goes back to Rule No. 1 — upon losing said bet, I’ll sprint to “Sweet Caroline” or “Ray of Light” because I know the words.

That gives us the fourth and final rule, a hokey one, but an important one. You can master the other three, but if you don’t own your performance, no one else will want to see you near the stage again. Some people are born with stage presence and others not, but you might get the leather-clad guy sporting the 10-gallon hat and cowboy boots in the back of the room singing along to “Fake Plastic Trees” if you’ve got enough passion and chutzpah.

These rules aren’t guaranteed to turn you from an “American Idol” reject into Josh Groban, but hopefully, they’ll have you turning a few heads the next time you step to the mike.

Now, go forth and wow ’em with your stunning rendition of “Friends in Low Places.”