THE LAST LAUGH: REAL AND PROPOSED UNOFFICIAL HOLIDAYS by Toe Knee Weighed

 

Last week I was stunned to discover a holiday that I had never heard of, even though it began decades ago.

4-20 day (April 20^th) celebrates marijuana use and, according to ever-reliable Wikipedia, started in the 1970s when some stoner dudes decided 4:20 in the afternoon is the perfect time to get high.

Now, in my youth, I experimented a few (hundred) times with the wacky tobaccy, but I now choose to experience life in the available light as photographers say.

I should mention that my double-blind pot experiments were conducted under strict laboratory conditions, and I eventually proved my hypothesis that smoking weed makes you about as smart as a bag of hammers.

Fortunately, like Bill Clinton, I never actually inhaled any of the giggles- and munchies-inducing smoke on the off chance I might someday become President and have some ‘splainin’ to do.

420 Day is not the only unofficial US holiday; here are some more:

Mole Day--October 23^rd-- Not a celebration of the burrowing rodent or Fantastic Four villain or even home grown spies, but recognition of a measurement used by chemists derived from Avogadro's number, which is approximately 6.02×10²³ and that...

Oh man, I fell asleep mid-sentence. I’m talking serious REM and drool here. Google it yourself.

 

Ninja Day-- December 5^th—On Ninja Day, people are encouraged to  dress as ninja, engage in ninja-related activities, and spread ninja info on the web. The date coincided with the release of the 2003 Tom Cruise film “The Last Samurai” which featured the black-clad martial artists.

I wonder if this holiday will be celebrated in France this year because, while there are differences, the black ninja outfits kinda resemble Muslim burqas, which were recently outlawed there.  I predict come December 5^th there will be so many ninja congregating near the Eiffel Tower that the French Army will have to be called out and will, as they historically do, surrender.

No Pants Day—First Friday in May—This day is based on a prank. People attend an event sans trousers (they do wear undies) and act as if prancing around pant-less ain’t no thang. Teens may have an advantage as some have worn theirs around their ankles for years.

First Contact Day--April 5^th 2063—This holiday celebrates the day Zefram Cochrane achieved (or will achieve) warp drive and made first contact with aliens (Vulcans) as shown in the 1996 movie “Star Trek: First Contact.” I talked with a local Trekker who gave me way more details about it than I ever needed or cared to know, and it became clear that he is still waiting for first contact with a female.

In addition to the actual unofficial holidays, I propose a few of my own:

Yodish Day—June 6^th (Yoda is 66 centimeters tall)--Jedi Master  Yoda’s distinctive speech pattern (mixing up word order) would be emulated on this holiday. “Fries with that will I have,” “Not fat make you look those jeans,” “Crap, oh! Medical Marijuana card have I lost, and 420 Day it is!”

          

Blow Up Your Computer Day—December 31^st/January 1^st (Commemorates the Y2K scam)--Wouldn’t it be awesome to exact a measure of revenge for all the freeze ups, deletions of vital data at the exact wrong time and dreaded Blue Screens of Death you’ve had to endure from computers over the years?

Talk In Cartoon Balloons Day—November 26^th (Charles Schulz’s  birthday)—Revelers communicate via cartoon balloon all day. This was originally known as “Think in Cartoon Balloons Day,” but too many people got in trouble.

Do All the Things Your Mother Told You Not To Do Day—(Whenever the Heck You Want)--Activities include jumping  on the bed, making faces at people and leaving the house wearing dirty underwear.

Unfortunately participants soon discover that they fall off the bed and break their necks, their faces freeze that way and when they inevitably  get into an accident the first thing paramedics check are not vital signs but to see if they have clean drawers.

 link to the article in the paper

 

Comments

[donna cannaday]

I am still laughing at the last paragraph.

[Jean Morrissey]

Don't forget International Talk Like a Pirate Day which, according to Wikipedia, is September 19.
To learn how to make the most out of the holiday, go to Wikihow for pirate-talk lessons. Ar-r-r-rgh.