"McLattes, Anyone?" by Kelvin 'Byg Datty' Wade

The next time you go to a McDonalds you might find someone other than the pimply faced geek who can never get your order right in the drive-thru. Yes, you might find a barista.

In a story this week, McDonalds is going big-time into the coffee business to challenge rival Starbucks for some of that caffeine green. Yes, it appears that the Golden Arches will fit their 14,000 U.S. locations with fancy machines to brew the black beverage and some will even get redesigned cafes serving cappucino, espresso and frappes.

Starbucks didn't start off wanting to go head to head with the number one restaurant chain. No, Starbucks was to be this place people went to to enjoy coffee while listening to music, chatting with friends and surfing the web. Now, in 2007, Starbucks has expanded into serving hot breakfast sandwiches, a robust drive-thru business and now 80% of beverages are consumed off the premises. Their once  high-brow, educated, Birkenstocks wearing, tree hugging customer is now...well, me. Anybody. Everyone. Just like McDonalds.

The first time i walked into a Starbucks, I was lost. I just wanted a cup of coffee but didn't know how to order it. My friend ordered herself a Grande Decaf Soy One Splenda Latte and I was left wondering how she'd learned to speak Italian. But now I walk in there and order my Venti Iced Quad Espresso with two extra shots, four pumps sugar-free hazelnut and a splash, just a splash, of half 'n' half. Actually, I do the splash of half 'n' half myself because I've yet to find a barista who knows what a teaspoon is.

So will coffee drinkers abandon Starbucks for McDonalds? The early Starbucks drinkers, the one who went there more for cachet certainly won't be looking to Ronald McDonald for their Lattes.  But since Mickey D's plans on selling their breakfast brews 60 to 80 cents cheaper than the Seattle-based chain, it may appeal to cost-conscious caffeine-addicted Americans.

I hope McDonalds doesn't get all cutesy with the names of their drinks and snacks. No McAccinos. No McMochas. No McScone-lets. No one wants to order something ridiculous sounding. IHOP I believe used to serve this breakfast called the Rooty Tooty Fresh n Fruity. Now who wants to say that aloud? I'd just point at the menu. It's bad enough Starbucks has us saying Venti and Grande and imagining that tiny cups are Tall.

But really...the drive-thru is one thing. But I don't see people hanging out at McDonalds for coffee. First off, there's something otherworldly delicious about the smell of coffee and pastries. There's something wrong about the smell of coffee and burgers and fries comingling. And is a college-going young adult really supposed to sip their espresso, type their term paper on their laptop while Little Johnny Horsenagle has his fifth birthday party in the background complete with Ronald and the Hamburglar? In the words of Damon Wayans, "I don't think so. Homey don't play dat."

So while many Americans may go for cheaper coffee from McDonalds in the drivethru in the morning, especially if there are lines at Starbucks, don't expect the Golden Arches to become a fast food coffee cafe meeting place any time soon. And if you see me at McDonalds (and you'd better not because I'm trying to lose weight), I'm going to have a burger in my hand, not a coffee.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

Comments

[Alice Fair]

Starbucks - its a mindset, its a phenom produced like a game show on tv. The servers are strangely chatty, eagerly answering questions and customers throw out brilliant remarks on high minded subjects. Thats not a bad thing whats remarkable is the way each one plays his part.

Of course their products are overpriced except for their breakfast sandwiches which are good and they carry the daily NewYork Times.

I no longer go to McDonald myself, being a reformed fastfoody I try to choose what I ingest very carefully - proving that discipline is more fun than gobbling burgers and burritos, really!