A nice little Tuesday

I really hope there are some Christian groups near my polling station come Election Day.
I know they can’t be within 100 feet of the station but maybe they’ll be right around the corner.
When they come up to me, I’ll simply say, “Actually, I was just about to go in and vote a Muslim into the White House, give gays the right to marry, allow 14-year-old girls the right to have an abortion without parental consent or notification and then, coincidentally, take my girlfriend to Planned Parenthood for a quick abortion of her own before going to dance on a few veterans’ graves, burn an American flag, join the Taliban and have dinner at Applebee’s. A nice little Tuesday, if you ask me. We might hang out in a church parking lot to push crack on the kids getting out of Bible study but I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.”
They will be understandably upset, I hope. Then again, that is the idea.
Most of that is not true, of course. I’m not going to Applebee’s.
I guess I’m just not a “real American.” To be a “real American” you have to love Applebee’s. Or so I am told.
“I pledge allegiance to the restaurant of the United States of America, and to the overcooked entrees, for which it stands, one diner, under flavored, with diarrhea and blandness for all.”